Get with it woman!!

Yes I'm busy, bloody hell do I know that. My last post I intended to be the beginning of blogging again....ermm......yes....that went well.

In 16 days, give or take, Little Miss will be here. Holy Hell. That excites me and scares me all at once. I am ready, well let me correct that, I have everything ready to go. Just need her. We still can't agree on a name, so that will be decided when we see her, hopefully then it will just come to us.

I am finding in these last weeks I am very anti-social. I don't want to go out. Taking the kids to school is a real chore, and I find myself trying to put my head down to avoid conversations....which are always the same "still on deck?? how long to go? you must be over it?" I just want to live in my little bubble a little longer......

I'm a little worried I'm not going to cope so well with 4....it scares me so much. Not too long ago I was feeling really unbalanced, feeling sure I had some sort of pre-natal depression, it did clear up by itself, but only after an incredibly dificult month or so. I'm worried if I'm not coping so well I'll end up with PND this time around, which isn't to say that PND is wrong....but you know what I mean, of course it's not something I want to deal with by choice. Hopefully Little Miss will arriv and just be perfect and fit into our lives easily. In my world she will feed beautifully, sleep beautifully and never do more than whimper.

16 days to go......

It's been a year!!

So yes...it's been a year (almost) since I posted on here. Jake is about to turn three!!

Lots has happened, biggest of all is that we have a little Miss due in July :) We are very excited an impressed!!

Life has given me personally so many ups and downs in the last year. I went to work, got my first contract for .4 (two days a week). It was tough, a tough school but I plugged on for two terms, only to be told I wasn't needed for the third. This put a spanner in the works.

Just the day after discovering I was pregnant, my much loved Uncle passed away suddenly, shocking us all. The worst part for me was telling the kids, and having them understand it. He was like a Grandfather to them since we moved back down south, and it's the first person they have really lost. That killed me inside, and their heart wrenching sobs just broke my heart even more than it already was. It's easy for me to go a day or so not thinking about it, but then I catch myself going to say something about him or thinking I need to ask him something, and I realise I can't.

A wonderful inspirational online friend of mine passed away suddenly, in tragic circumstances....this hit home a few realities too. I still miss her, she was fabulously unperfect ;)

I also recently lost another friend, who just chose to count me out without even giving me the chance to tell my side of things. This still bugs me a lot. I am upset to think that someone I would consider a close friend thinks so little of me. I can't and won't say too much, only that I did do her wrong in the first place, I will admit that. She saw me painting her badly, when I really thought I was helping her out and saving her a little. I did come clean about it, but I never got the chance to say so. *sigh* anyway, no point dwelling on the past huh?

Things just trundle along here.....we have bad weekends, and others are great. For now things are going well, little Miss is proving to be a settler in our family, at least so far.

I will update some pictures later on, kids have grown so much of course :) Ben and Chloe are both in full-time school and I enjoy spending special time with Jake. Life is busy, and hard financially, but good.

xxx

Jake turns 2!!!

 Yes it's come and gone. As of 7:50am this morning, my baby was officially TWO!!

It's not MY birthday, it's Judy's!!

For some unknown reason Jake is certain it's Aunty Judy's birthday and not his. So on the eve of his 2nd birthday, this is what he had to say.

A pearl from my TV viewing last night

I intermittently watch Brothers and Sisters. I like it but often forget it's on. Last night after ironing I sat to watch the end of it and amongst my tears (yes I'm a TV sook), this pearl of wisdom was heard.

"Sometimes I look at everyone and the things they have accomplished in their lives and I haven't.

And then I look at one of my kids and I know not a single day has been wasted, and what's important are the days still to come." Nora Walker - Brothers and Sisters.

So very true. I often look particularly at Facebook and all the people I grew up with and went to school with and feel a little envious that they are travelling or have built their dream homes or been successful in their careers.But what I'm doing now, where I am now was my dream. And still is my dream. Since I was young all I wanted to be was a Mum, and then a Teacher ;) But a Mum first. And it's my job to make all the days to come count, each one more than the last.

xxx

In the words of Mumma Bear.....

5 things I am greatful for

1. My gorgeous kids. They are all so clever and smart and wonderful. I am so blessed to be their Mum.

2. My wonderful hubby. We are both imperfect and that's why we are good together :)

3. My awesome family. I am so lucky and I have a wonderful support system in my whole family, and extended family. 

4. My awesome friends. IRL or online, there is always someone to listen to me whinge, or brag about the kids, lol.

5. That I AM lucky. Especially after my last post. I have a home, and  family and healthy kids. I have stuff. Stuff I probably don't need but still, I have stuff. There is always someone worse off than me :)

xxx

a bad post

Ok so this has been brewing for a while. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy or anything, I just need to get it OUT.
Things are sucky. Yes down right sucky at the moment. 

I am so over it. I'm over worrying, I'm just OVER IT!!!

Financially, we are in the shit.....again. It just never ends. And nothing has particularly happened, it's just a series of weeks and months of never really having the bills and income match up and bingo...we're done for. 

At the moment we are spending every last cent every week just keeping afloat....just. We have no outgoing calls, no money to put credit on the mobile and I'm wanting to go pre-paid on the net too but seeing as it's my only communcation tool at the moment I'm reluctant. There are so many things we are paying off it's just not funny. And each week we are breaking ourselves to pay those......and leaving yet more regular bills behind. Not to mention the massive other and extra bills we have like the lawyer and car repairs and regos.

You cannot budget when you are beginning behind.

And my biggest dramas at the moment are no tea-bags and running out of  loo paper which the kids seem to 
And to add to it, I'm almost out to tea-bags!!! Argh! Imagine that, I don't know how I'm going to survive!! Oh and loo paper, I swear the kids eat it!

Jake turns two tomorrow and while I did get him a few things already.....I couldn't get him the thing I wanted most, and I don't know when I will be able to. That breaks my heart. We haven't spent much on the kids this year for birthdays, $100 tops which I still think is quite reasonable. I know he's only two and I know he'll love the Wiggles stuff I've got him and I know he won't care...but I do.

I still haven't bought or sent my lovely SIL and nephew a pressie from a month ago :(

I've shaved and shaved and shaved the grocery bills till there's hardly anything left, and since it's been going on so long the freezer is empty, except about 20kg of sausages (don't ask!)

Anyway whinge over.

Time for the next post.