Saturday, June 25, 2011

Get with it woman!!

Yes I'm busy, bloody hell do I know that. My last post I intended to be the beginning of blogging again....ermm......yes....that went well.

In 16 days, give or take, Little Miss will be here. Holy Hell. That excites me and scares me all at once. I am ready, well let me correct that, I have everything ready to go. Just need her. We still can't agree on a name, so that will be decided when we see her, hopefully then it will just come to us.

I am finding in these last weeks I am very anti-social. I don't want to go out. Taking the kids to school is a real chore, and I find myself trying to put my head down to avoid conversations....which are always the same "still on deck?? how long to go? you must be over it?" I just want to live in my little bubble a little longer......

I'm a little worried I'm not going to cope so well with scares me so much. Not too long ago I was feeling really unbalanced, feeling sure I had some sort of pre-natal depression, it did clear up by itself, but only after an incredibly dificult month or so. I'm worried if I'm not coping so well I'll end up with PND this time around, which isn't to say that PND is wrong....but you know what I mean, of course it's not something I want to deal with by choice. Hopefully Little Miss will arriv and just be perfect and fit into our lives easily. In my world she will feed beautifully, sleep beautifully and never do more than whimper.

16 days to go......

Sunday, March 13, 2011

It's been a year!!

So's been a year (almost) since I posted on here. Jake is about to turn three!!

Lots has happened, biggest of all is that we have a little Miss due in July :) We are very excited an impressed!!

Life has given me personally so many ups and downs in the last year. I went to work, got my first contract for .4 (two days a week). It was tough, a tough school but I plugged on for two terms, only to be told I wasn't needed for the third. This put a spanner in the works.

Just the day after discovering I was pregnant, my much loved Uncle passed away suddenly, shocking us all. The worst part for me was telling the kids, and having them understand it. He was like a Grandfather to them since we moved back down south, and it's the first person they have really lost. That killed me inside, and their heart wrenching sobs just broke my heart even more than it already was. It's easy for me to go a day or so not thinking about it, but then I catch myself going to say something about him or thinking I need to ask him something, and I realise I can't.

A wonderful inspirational online friend of mine passed away suddenly, in tragic circumstances....this hit home a few realities too. I still miss her, she was fabulously unperfect ;)

I also recently lost another friend, who just chose to count me out without even giving me the chance to tell my side of things. This still bugs me a lot. I am upset to think that someone I would consider a close friend thinks so little of me. I can't and won't say too much, only that I did do her wrong in the first place, I will admit that. She saw me painting her badly, when I really thought I was helping her out and saving her a little. I did come clean about it, but I never got the chance to say so. *sigh* anyway, no point dwelling on the past huh?

Things just trundle along here.....we have bad weekends, and others are great. For now things are going well, little Miss is proving to be a settler in our family, at least so far.

I will update some pictures later on, kids have grown so much of course :) Ben and Chloe are both in full-time school and I enjoy spending special time with Jake. Life is busy, and hard financially, but good.